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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Mommy's little angel

*this is taking me alot of guts to say..well right..  But for all you that dont know... I dont live with my mom... She abandoned me and my sister... I havent seen her in years.. She was a drug addict and an alcoholic and as well as abusive to me and my sister.. But as Im growing up now, I just wanna let the past go... I want to start over.. I want my mom back..And after all the shit that she has done to me Im willing to let it go cause I miss her so much.. I just wanna know where she is and if she is ok and if she has atleast thought of me once*
(im sitting at my computer desk crying right now as I type this)

Im the little girl you used to give kisses to at night.
But in the morning our mouths were only used to fight.

A slap to the face, or a punch to my guts,
to say I want you back you'd think that Im nuts.

Do you think about me as much as I think of you?
Do you recall all our good memories and the things we used to do? 
Did you even try to keep me? Did you ever really care?
How do you think I feel when I look for your smile and  know it wont be there.

 When I close my eyes all I see is your angry face.
But when I open them Im in a better place.

I dont wanna talk to you, I just wanna know your ok.
And if you have left this earth, Just know I wish you've couldve stayed.

You lied, you cheated, you beat and decieved me
But I think I discovered that you never trully loved me. 

Idk what the purpose of this post was, I guess just to vent.
But mom you left my heart with crack and the worlds biggest dent.

Monday, January 24, 2011

And you can see my heart beating

I can feel it... 

Something bad is about to happen.

Im about to make something completely avoidable happen. 

Drama, Pain, a mistake. 

Though I cant help it if it's the way I feel. 

My life is a ticking time bomb and patience is lighting the wick.

I tried to make things work but I just dont think I can do it anymore.

I love you dont get me wrong and I know you tried to make me happy,

but Im not.

Atleast not anymore.. 

or so I think.

Im missing something,

a piece of me.....

I need to be somewhere and do something.


Your gonna be pissed off with me
your gonna be hurt

your possibly gonna hate  me.

But im hurting too

and im upset and

I hate myself too..

Just something is gonna happen

and this is my warning. 

I just dont know what and when though.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Caterpilla in the tree how you wonder who you'll be

I feel like a caterpillar still trapped in its' cocoon stuggling to get out. 
Im trapped and tired of being confined in this small space, yet I try not to pout.

Im ready to turn into a butterfly and leave my old life behind.
Im tired of being hidden, it's my turn to shine.
Im ready to turn into something beautiful, I'm ready to soar above all the rest
I want everyone to see my bright colors that  are all along my chest. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Im sorry I cant be perfect

You will never be proud of me, I can guarantee you that for a fact. 
For you don't like they way I dress and you don't like the way I act.

I cant be your perfect child, for Im not as smart as you want me to be.
But I like the way I am, and thats something you'll never see. 

I may not be smart and I may not be wise, 
But Im gonna live my life the way I want to and keep it free from all your lies.

Im tired of trying to be someone Im not for you.
But being my parents I know you wont see me through.

You can say Im disappointed in you
just know I feel the same way too.

Its hard growing up in this day and age, most of us are misunderstood.
But if we are as bad as you think we are, we will never do as we should.

You will never hang my work up on the fridge nor tell your friends about the good that i've done.
Yet I can live my life just fine, knowing that Im not your number one.

Sorry I cant be the child you've always wanted, you cant always get what you want.
But my  independence is nothing to you, and something you will never vaunt.